he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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