I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
