They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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