thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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