You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
