who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
