There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
