i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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