I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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