You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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