I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
