At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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