What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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