We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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