he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
