I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He passed out mid-signature
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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