he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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