I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
