I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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