i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize