Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
