I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
