the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
