Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
