You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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