my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
