I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
