That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
