we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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