the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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