3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
