Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am naked and annoyed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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