We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
