your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Someone signed my nipple.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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