I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
