Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
