I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
