He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
