my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
