Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
