I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
