I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
