so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
