oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
