Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
