I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
