Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
