perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
