therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
