I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize