Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
