Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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