Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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