drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
