Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
