She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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