I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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