You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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