I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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