we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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