dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
