I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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