You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
