The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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