But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
