Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
