You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
