At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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