I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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