the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
