What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
