I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
