He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
