No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
