I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
