I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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